How do you poo in a co-ed bathroom that has 4 stalls when there are 100 people trying to use those 4 stalls within a 45 minute time frame?
Aaahhhhh...the art of pooing!
I'm on the Camino de Santiago. A 30 day trek across Spain that is 790 kilometers long.
We stay in places called Albergue's. There specially set up for peregrino's on the pilgrimage to Compostella de Santiago. Amazing right! Tons of fun, right!? Hahahahah!
Most of these places hold between 50 to 100 people and most of them have shared and co-ed bathrooms. On top of that...a lot of these places are open large dorms with bunk beds. Many of those have bathrooms that "share air space" with the beds. OMG this could be a serious problem!
So what if the tapas don't settle with you so well?
What happens if you had a little to much bean soup the night before?
Jesus...stay away from the shwarma's!
Here's the options for pooing in a co-ed bathroom.
- Make a break for the bathroom in the middle of the night.
- Try to beat everyone to the toilet in the morning.
- Be a true backpacker and dig a ditch behind a hedge on the trail...bushwacker style! Remember: carry your TP out.
- Hope to God that there is a cafe on the trail. Like to gamble?
- Wait until everyone leaves and start the day in the back of the pack. Loser!
- Run the 27 kilometers to the next aubergue to beat everyone there. Maybe this could be the next exercise craze in LA?
But what if none of these options work? Here's my tips...
- Scope out the bathroom before committing. Calculate the approximate time that the people will be in the bathroom versus the time it will take the people packing to arrive. If someone is brushing their teeth that takes maybe 2 minutes. If someone is stuffing their sleeping bag that may take 3 minutes. The window of opportunity is slim. Wait until only a few people are in the bathroom and slyly sneak into a stall. Wait until you hear the footsteps of the last people leave. PUSH AS HARD AS YOU CAN...TIME IS SHORT! Get out ASAP. Hopefully your calculations are correct and no one or maybe only one or two people know that you are the culprit. Hopefully you didn't forget to wipe.
- Lie! If you had a little too much wine the night before and your calculations are incorrect...lie! If you find yourself in the middle of a stinky poo and there a tons of people in the bathroom...lie! Do the dirty deed. Take your time. Facial expressions are key here. As you walk out of the stall pretend to zip up your fly like you only took a piss. KEEP YOU HEAD UP! If your head is down then everyone will know that your guilty. As your washing your hands...turn to the Australian guy next to you brushing his teeth, and who is about to throw up from the awful smell, and say "that damn French woman is blowing it up in their". Squint your eyes, force a slight frown, shake your head...pause...and then say "jesus...these europeans have no respect". Then quickly walk out. Maybe, just maybe it will work and you'll have friends for the day.
- Do as the Italians do. They don't care! Forget about it. Everyone has to do it. Handle your poo with pride. Walk in, take your time, and walk out.