was okay with our society having children at younger and younger ages until I
saw a pregnant baby last week. Pregnant babies are sort of a new
phenomenon, but they are indeed, as the name suggests: babies that are pregnant
with even more babies.
It all started when overzealous parents started sending their kids to pre-school. The standard was always when a child turned 5 to send him/her to Kindergarten. But, these selfish parents would not be satisfied with having their kids be normal. They started doing "home learning" so that their kids were ready by age 4 to go to pre-school. Then Barney and Blue's Clues came along and these poor children started learning even as they slept in front of the television. Pretty soon pre-pre-schools started popping up around well-to-do rural neighborhoods.
the time these kids had gotten to Kindergarten, 90% of them had already done
marijuana and had, on average, 3 different sex partners. Even through all
of the peer pressure and corruption, parents marched on to expect more of their
innocent infants. Scientists developed radio signal devices that had the
technology to communicate with the babies as soon as the mother was in her
second trimester. The increased rate of learning only achievable by
babies allowed them to come out of the womb with advanced degrees in medicine,
engineering, and biology. It wasn't long before they figured out how they
could enable their fellow babies to make more babies.
Skip to present day. During my last visit to Cedar Sinai hospital, the entire north-west wing was inhabited with pregnant babies, nearly half of them with the last name Spears. If you listen closely, there is talk of genocide. They have devised the impression that anybody not born from a baby is part of an inferior species. Adults have mysteriously choked on pacifiers misplaced in their coffee and gotten sick by what they believe is "doo doo" in the water supply. Nobody can say for sure if there will be a pregnant baby uprising, but the next time you see a couple going by with a baby in its carriage with what might look like baby-fat, show that we "non-baby-borns" (NBBs) are onto them and mouth "I-know-what-you're-up-to!"