The World According to a Seafood-Hater - Lava Lamp (Ari)

For millions of years our lakes, rivers and oceans having been providing humans with a consistent source of food.  I'm talking about simple creatures that mindlessly swim and crawl around in the water waiting for some expert fisherman or giant cage/net to snatch them up and turn them into a highly priced and ridiculously smelly main course.  Now I'm not taking the angle of an animal lover who can't bear to see harmless defenseless beings removed from their natural habitat for our stomach's pleasure because believe me I am more than willing to lead a cow into the slaughterhouse for an ounce of fresh beef.

My point is, people love Seafood and I get that, but why does every person who loves seafood have to be so utterly dumbfounded when they meet someone who perhaps does not enjoy the fishy taste of animals taken from our oceans.  I've met people in my lifetime who never thought it was possible to meet someone who didn't like seafood unless for allergic reasons.  Below is a typical conversation with one of these non-believers, T = them and M= me.

T:  So what's your favorite fish?

M:  I actually don't eat any seafood, and not for allergy reasons, it's just never really worked out.

T:  But you eat shrimp and lobster right?

M:  No, I don't eat any seafood at all; basically nothing that comes from the water goes in my mouth.

T:  Hold on, for reals, I don't believe you.

M:  I know I know, its not that I don't want to enjoy seafood but there is just something with the taste and smell that I can't get past. 

T:  Are you crazy, I mean when fried shrimp is all golden brown and delicious, or when lobster comes out with the melted butter ready to go you won't even try a bit.

M:  Believe me when I say that I have tried over and over but I basically don't like seafood and since it is expensive I'm not going to keep trying something I know I just don't like.

T:  OK, but I'm going to order this halibut, halibut is a very mild fish with a fantastic flavor, why don't you try some because I really think you'll like it.

M:  What about no don't you understand, I fell like this is food rape, I'm saying NO…I don't like seafood P-E-R-I-O-D.

T:  Maybe you'll just try it, a small piece.

For most of you reading this you probably feel that I'm exaggerating this conversation and at the same time you are thinking…he can't possibly dislike seafood.  There is something inherent in seafood lovers that won't let them take no for an answer, it gives them a never-say-die attitude. 

This problem is compounded when in a sushi restaurant with true sushi connoisseurs or as I call them Sushiophiles (think pedophiles but with sushi).  The situation is this; people who love sushi and want sushi at any given moment usually find a way to get groups to eat at sushi restaurants even if a few people in the group don't like sushi.  They take the aforementioned "never-say-die" attitude to the next level, more of an "if-I-don't-eat-sushi-every-day-the-world-will-end" platform.  The nice thing about sushi places is they always have a Bento Box, but that is only too easy of a choice until the Sushiophiles learn who the dissenters are.  Below are a few of the problems with sushi joints and Sushiophiles broken down into bullet points.

• Groups eating sushi love to split the tab, this now outcasts me in the separate bill zone cursed with watching arguments over who ordered the $20 Red Dragon Breathing Fire Roll.
• Sushi, unlike fish and shellfish, contains everyday food items that I love such as avocado and rice which prompts suggestions to try the roll with the avocado and oozing eel slivers…you like avocado right?
• Bento Boxes frequently come with a California Roll, now I'm paying for something so I'd rather substitute out for more chicken but the person next to me will invariably say…oh hey, I'll eat your California Roll, thanks dude.
• This last one bugs me the most, why do sushi rolls have the most delicious exotic sounding names, I mean seriously why am I tempted to eat something I know I'll dislike solely because it's called One Million Tasty Flavors Roll or Roll of Infinite Desires.

I have friends/family who like seafood and LOVE sushi and they've all learned to leave me out of the seafood conversation which is great and I totally appreciate it.  However, I know that any time I go out to eat at a restaurant with someone I don't know I will be forced to explain to this person why I don't eat seafood.  That in itself is why I have become a seafood hater, I am no longer satisfied with disliking the flavor I now resent the fact that it exists and that every day more and more people are turning against me and into seafood zombies incapable of the thought that I can exist.

Comments

[Liz]

Mmmm... this post makes me crave sushi...

[Michael Bercovich]

Ari-

Zach told me yesterday that you eat Duck. Last I heard duck are all about water....What now...

Credit for this goes to Zach.

[NFL Jerseys]

Thanks for the tutorial Natalie. I've always been afraid of zips but I think I may be able to conquer them, thanks to this wonderful tutorial! Thank you!

[football customized jerseys]

heard duck are all about water....What now...

Credit for this goes to Zach.