The Garage Sale Blog Network

Best Job in the World: Man vs Wild Photographer - Nintendo Power Glove

Most people have seen Man vs Wild, where the host, Bear Grylls, is dropped off into some remote place on the planet and needs to survive until he finds civilization. The other day my housemate and I talking about how Survivorman is so much more authentic because there’s no camera crew in case he gets in really deep shit. But, then I started watching Survivorman and I was bored out of my mind. I mean, would you rather watch someone being practical and going around a sand trap or take a running start and jumping right in it? Would you rather have Les Stroud tell you about the dangers of a scorpion or watch Bear Grylls eat it? Would you rather have Les tell you about what kind of animal droppings are on the ground, or watch Bear drink water out of elephant shit?

I started to realize that this Brit was doing stuff for absolutely no reason. I saw him jump into a bog, just for the hell of it. He’s crawled into a camel carcass just to tell us about how it could be a nice shelter (I’m still giving Han Solo credit for that one). How does he think of all of this extremely entertaining stuff? He must have help.

In order to come up with things on the order magnitude of ridiculousness that Bear does in his shows, he must have some creative geniuses nearby. My guess is that his camera crew is made up of the baddest-ass motherfuckers at Double-Dare that anyone has ever seen. Imagine walking around with this guy and just saying, “Dude, I double dare you to kill that poisonous snake, piss into its skin, and then drink it later - along with the snake guts!” He actually did this, but I can’t find any videos of it. On the same episode, he stuck his face into a bee hive to get a couple of bites of honey. Allergic reaction below:

I would love to apply to be Bear Grylls’ photographer. Here are some of my ideas:

-Bear, I double-dare you to eat the first non-human moving thing that you see in the next 30 seconds.

-Bear, I double-dare you to trap yourself under a boulder and eat your own arm.

-Bear, I double-dare you to stuff your pockets with beef jerky and chicken guts and then sprint around the jungle for 45 minutes.

-Bear, I double-dare you to kill that sheep, pour its blood all over yourself, and then wrestle a lion, naked.

-Bear, I double-dare you to slap that baboon’s red ass and say, “Girrrrrrl, where did you get that badonkadonk?”

-Bear, I double-dare you to wait until the mother returns, eat an eagle egg out of the nest, and then escape on a hang-glider made of your t-shirt and a few tree branches.

Readers, what kind of dares would you have for Bear?

Bear has his own blog here.

Les has his own blog here.

Check out the rest of Nintendo Powerglove’s GSBN blogs here and his personal blogs here.

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Update on media coverage - Rotary Red Phone

All - Well I'm not going to post anything today about my life or thoughts as I'm realistic to know that our readers right now are interested in "Ship in a Bottle"'s sperm donor venture.

This blog was picked up by an AOL owned publication and discussed in depth here.

I'd like to encourage our readers to participate in this discussion as I have an inkling that your views might differ a bit from theirs or their readers.  

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Progress on finding a sperm donor - Ship in a Bottle

I'd like to take this time to respond to some of the key issues and questions that are continuing to arise in reader's comments to my original blog soliciting semen donors for my first baby.

First, this isn't a thoughtless, spontaneous decision; there is a reason why I want my baby to have only one parent.  I had two parents growing up who didn't live together and who didn't talk to each other.  I was conceived out of love, but that love dissipated shortly after I was born.  Even though both parents loved me and tried to stay in my life as much as possible, I believe that I lived a much more difficult childhood and adolescence because of this divide.  As much as it would pain me to choose one or the other (a decision I was forced to constantly make growing up), I honestly think that my life would have been better – that I would have been happier and undoubtedly healthier both emotionally and physically – if either of my parents had raised me exclusively.  This isn't to say that I don't think that a loving two-parent household isn't ideal; it certainly is.  But it's as easy to hope for that outcome as it is to find oneself alone and fighting for custody or going through the gut-wrenching process of trying to figure out which holidays you'll get to spend with your child.  By having this child as a single parent, the odds are greatest that he/she will know ONLY a very stable, secure, loving home life, something that having two parents cannot guarante

 

There have also been a lot of questions about what I am looking for in a donor.  Granted the circumstances, I am looking for someone who is not interested in being a part of this child's life and who will be happy just donating their sperm and going back to their routine life.  I suppose that there are certain circumstances where I would allow the father to have some interaction with the child, but it wouldn't be in the capacity of a father.  Naturally, I would prefer a donor without a strong family history of mental or physical disorders.  As far as looks and other defining characteristics, I suppose I will be preferable to donors who exhibit characteristics of a man who I could imagine myself marrying and having a child with.  In my daydreams, this man has darker features – brown hair and eyes – very kind eyes and a very sweet smile.  He is between 5'10" and 6'2" with a naturally well-proportioned physique but necessarily athletic.  He is emotionally and mentally stable, has a great sense of humor but is very serious about his life and his role in the bigger picture.

 

That said, I've been reconsidering the type of donor who I consider to be ideal for me at this point.  Many readers have commented that adoption is a better way to go; after all, if I really think that I can and want to give a child a healthy and happy life, why not provide that to a child who otherwise might not have any hope of that.  I agree.  This is a valid point, and I am fully supportive of adoption in general as an alternative to conception, especially for couples that cannot conceive due to reproductive difficulties.  But for someone in my position, I think that it may be more valuable to enable someone to procreate who might not otherwise have the opportunity in his lifetime.

 

This is why I am hoping to find a donor who generally meets my criteria but who also has no other (reasonable) means of procreating.  Such a donor might be someone who is older – 50+ - who never had children and doesn't think that they will have the chance again (or who doesn't want the opportunity to be a father but wants to keep their genes in the pool).  This donor might be someone who has suffered an accident that prevents him from being a father (but doesn't preclude the production of semen).  It may be someone who physically or economically cannot support a child but who has good genes and wants to reproduce. It may be someone who has suffered an externally-inflicted disease or burns that rendered him deformed or otherwise unable to date/marry/have children.   I think that this might be the best situation because it would satisfy my goal of having a baby in the near term and also offer someone an opportunity that they may have very little other hope of experiencing. 

There have also been a lot of comments that it seems like I shouldn't have a problem finding a donor – or a husband I suppose. The first comment I'd like to make about this is that I am who I present to be, picture and all. People who know me will hopefully chime in and attest to that. But I'm very picky about who gets to be part of my life, and I don't want to settle for a boyfriend or husband right now just because I am ready to have a baby. It's not that I don't like men or prefer to be alone, it's just that I've been with some truly spectacular men who still haven't been right for me, and having a baby right now is much more important to me than finding the right man.  So why not give it some more time?  I'm not looking to find Mr. Right.  It's a common misconception that everyone seeks a partner, that we are incomplete without one.  But getting married is not a goal of mine; having a happy family is.  In this day and age, there are many other ways to have that than those that are traditionally held. 

Thank you to everyone who has kindly offered to help me in this endeavor and also for the words of advice and encouragement.  I hope to make a decision about this very soon.

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Conception on the Horizon - Ship in a Bottle

In just one day after posting this request for help with finding a donor for my baby, I have been flooded with such a variety of high-quality prospects.  I am amazed at the support coming from all over the country, and I have no doubt that I'll be able to find the right match.  Thank you to everyone who has responded with words of support for this challenge I'm facing and especially thanks to those who have made such kind offers of procreation with a total stranger.  I am stunned by and incredibly appreciative of the kind of faith I am seeing in the value of protracting the presence of strong genes in the evolutionary line, especially in cases where furtherance might not be achieved.  

Yesterday morning I was quite skeptical as to the types of response that this request would elicit, but I am now very confident that this was the best way to pursue my goal of having a baby.  At this point, I am scrutinizing the personal information submitted by a wide array of applicants and will try to thin the pool to 15 candidates.  I am responding to those who I think might be good candidates but for whom more information is needed in order to make this determination.  Once the top 15 are chosen, I will contact each personally by phone, if possible, to have a serious discussion about the logistics of the insemination.  I am so excited to have gotten to this point in the process, and I cannot thank you all enough for you support!

Regardless of progress I will update readers by October 31 as to where I am in the process of selection. 

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My Biological Egg Timer is Ticking, Ticking, Ticking - Ship in a Bottle

I think it's time to let all of our readers know that my blogs may be taking on a slightly different character in the coming months, as I have decided to have a baby – a decision that undoubtedly will affect every area of my life. I have wanted to have a baby for the past five years, but I knew that my life (and my child's) would be easier if I waited until I finished school and got settled into a career.  Of course, I always imagined that I would have my first baby after being married and that having a family would be more of a partnership than a solo venture. But as we all know, life rarely goes as expected. 

 

So I've decided to pursue my dream despite the fact that there's no sign of marriage in my immediate – or perhaps even distant – future.  Naturally, taking care of a baby is a chore on its own, but getting pregnant is my present challenge.  In less than two weeks, I will be ovulating, which as everyone should know is primetime for baby making.  The problem is that I don't yet have a partner for this process. Now, I'm not looking for a source of child support or a baby-daddy in the sense that he should have any supportive role in the pregnancy or in raising the child, I just need some good, hearty seed.  

 

Now, my first thought was to go to a sperm bank because it doesn't get much more NSA than that, but I had to reject this idea.  First, pay for semen?  Really??  That notion goes into the same bucket as paying for air or sunshine or, well, sex.  Second, as a scientist, I'm trained to cringe at the thought of biological samples going through any freeze-thaw process, and I'm not too keen on the potential for my first baby to have two heads or one too many sex chromosomes.  My second thought was to go to a friend.  What better place to create life than with someone I know and trust, right?  The obvious problem with this idea is that I would ultimately have to defriend my donor – and not just on Facebook – for all of the obvious reasons. 

 

Since I have successfully dated two people through this blog network I am turning to it again for assistance in this effort.  The network has agreed to help financially with the baby but I am turning to the readers/commenters for my donator.  The nail in the coffin was the latest example of using the internet as an efficient means for a solution – whether it’s paying college tuition or finding the right donor. 

So now readers…chime in. Message me and we'll do the pic thing....

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Signs of the times… - Aggrocrag

Signs of the times…

As many other GSBNers have touched on recently, we are living in some interesting times.

The Election 

Pretty much the entire world hates the US right now, is tired of the antics of our current government, and everything to do with Americans in general… And what are we occupying our time with?  Pig lipstick.  Yeah.  Although, I find it particularly ironic that McCain is calling the "hacking" of Palin's yahoo email account an "invasion of privacy".  Really?  This coming from one of the bigger proponents of programs like Echelon and Carnivore and programs set up to capture information of private citizens…

The Economy

While I admittedly don't understand quite a bit of the ins and outs of the "how it happened", one thing is clear: we are seeing something that hasn't been seen in a very, very long time.  No one seems to know how much worse it will get, and there is no clear answer as to how to fix it.   However, if there is one thing that I have learned it is that you can run multibillion dollar companies into the ground and it is all okay. Uncle Sam will bail the company out and, assuming that you are the CEO, you have a sweet golden parachute to make it a gentle landing for you.  Stock holders on the other hand…

However, the "big" issues aside, I have been seeing some strange stuff on the personal level as well.  While I could go on for days about all the Bad Ideas ™ that I have seen, one in particular stands out….

A Vegas Wedding

In my experience, weddings are a time to bring together two people and their respective family and friends as a symbolic and legal way of binding them. Traditionally, there is some extended courtship, from months to years, where the two get time to make sure that they are with "the one".  All pretty standard stuff that we have seen a thousand times in our personal lives as well as in romantic comedies…  Not this wedding….

To set the stage a bit, and further add to the surrealness of the whole episode, I should point out that this all took place the day after a national kickball tournament. Yeah, you read that right, grown ass men and women playing a sport enjoyed by 8 year olds around the nation.

So the next day the two people, who to this point had never even seen each other (besides living in the same city and having multiple mutual friends) meet for the first time.  They hit it off immediately and, being in Vegas, the conversation eventually turns to marriage.  One thing led to another and both being A-types, neither would back down.  To get to the point… to get married or not get married came down to a game of flip cup.

So once it was decided, we gathered up about 15 witnesses and headed to the nearest chapel to watch two people, who had known each other for less than 2 hours, get married.  For real. Legally binding. Bonus points for going down the Flamingo's waterslide directly after the ceremony. Yeah, that is for real as well.

Now, while I still find it absolutely hilarious, it does cause me to pause for a several reasons.

First: That someone actually did the most cliché thing in the book.  Honestly, who REALLY does that?  Its the subject of horrible movies with B-list celebrities like Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz.  They actually met and married within a couple of hours.  It isn't like they were blacked out, wake up with sharpie drawings all over your body drunk.  They were both cognizant enough to fill out all the appropriate paperwork, etc….

Secondly: And this didn't occur to me until a few days later. I was not bothered by it at all.  In fact, I was even helping out with planning of a proper reception party (as opposed to the impromptu one we had at Margaritaville the day of).  My entire life, marriage has seemed to be that "last big thing" you do in your life.  Basically, you do that, and then you work at some job for 30 years till you can retire.  Being the big deal that I always assumed marriage to be, my own lack of concern over the Vegas marriage still worries me.  While I know that it wasn't me that married, I still can't believe that I am taking it as lightly as I am.  Hell, being in California and especially living in San Francisco, I should be one of the last people to get amusement from people making a mockery of marriage.  However, it was just too ridiculous to not enjoy it. 

Finally: And likely the most disturbing part of the whole thing is the precedent that they set.  Now, whenever someone wants to do something over the top and ridiculous to impress a group of drunken friends, they are going to have to really step it up.  The problem is, what do you do to top a Vegas wedding?  I mean, short of a major crime spree, I got nothing.  Not that outdoing my friends is something that I am ALWAYS trying to do, but I am a competitive person, and it bugs me when someone has an edge.  I even tried fake proposing to a teammate the other night….  It just didn't have the oomph that I was looking for…

So, at the end of this rambling rant, I ask you, dear reader, what can someone do to top the Vegas wedding? 

Is the World Really Round - Lava Lamp

We have got to face a hard-to-swallow fact in this day and age; hype has taken over common sense in a big way!!  This clearly has made life more annoying and that sucks, but we need to take a step back and ask a few questions to determine how scared should we be!!

 

What does all of this over-hyping and under-valuing of reality really mean for the rest of us?  How can a seemingly intelligent and advanced society succumb to grade-school arguments and flashy whizbang?

 

 

For those of you who missed a recent "argument" between the Dems and the Reps it is important to note that pigs absolutely cannot put lipstick on by themselves because they have hooves with no opposable thumbs to hold the lipstick.  This is common sense people, don't believe the hype!!!  Seriously though, the whole nation recently got embroiled in an argument between 5^th graders about whose mom is fat or something juvenile like that.  WTF were we thinking and why isn't everyone screaming about how obnoxious and annoying the news networks are to run these kinds of stories.  But do you know why they run these stories…because they know America is all about hype and our common sense as a general public is at an all time low.

 

This also goes to show how the leaders of both parties really feel about the intelligence of the nation.  They've seen us get all excited before about such things as "no proof of income loans" and Beanie babies.  Why should they stop when it comes to inferences regarding a very common colloquialism?  Party leaders know anything that can be taken out of context will be taken out of context if they can just get it on to the airwaves.  Should that make us happy to know that both our government and now the world view us in such a poor light, yes…you can believe that hype.

 

I am asking you, the reader, how can we improve our image to the world when our own elected parties think we'd rather hear about Obama and Palin kissing in a tree than HMOs and MPG?  How can we get news stations to report newsworthy reports instead of trash that should be in Star or Us magazines.  What's the next big "oh no he/she didn't say that" going to be?  And does it even really matter anymore, or have I just bought into the anti-hype????

Hey Sweetheart, its a dangerous world out there - Russian Stamp

I watched the first part of Sarah Palin's ABC Interview with Charles Gibson last night and I couldn't believe my ears.  This interview was held on 9/11, a day when both candidates agreed to a cease fire as they remembered the terrorist attack on America.  I guess Charles Gibson didn't get the truce memo because he was firing away at Sarah Palin like she was the first duck at hunting season.  Gibson's agenda was evident to anyone who wasn't watching with their blinders on.  He was trying to get her to say something stupid like, "I'm not ready to be VP" or "let's blow up Iran," anything that a politician in their right mind knows they shouldn't say.  He repeated his questions 3 times waiting for the "New York Times" headline answer he never got.  "Are you ready to be the VP?"  "Are you...ready to be the VP?"  "How bout' now?"  "It's a dangerous world out there, are you ready to be the VP?"  At that point I wish I could've reached inside my TV to give him the b!tch slap he deserved.  What the hell does he mean, "its a dangerous world out there??"  I guarantee that if Barack Obama or any other man would've been sitting across from Gibson, he wouldn't dare to make that "its a dangerous world out there" comment.

Once he realized he couldn't get her there, he decided to change the topic to foreign affairs.  He asked her if a nuclear Iran posed an existential threat to Israel, and Israel decided to take out Iran's nuclear facility, how should the US react?  When she told him that Israel is our friend and we can't second guess their decisions, he repeated the question another two times waiting for the headline answer again.  WAKE UP GIBSON!!!  She's not stupid!!!  I mean seriously...come on...if any country posed an existential threat to our country, existential like threatening our existence, I guarantee we'd be blowing the heck out of their nuclear plant too!!!  Then he segues into, "well why do you think we were attacked on 9/11?" We can all argue about what really constitutes an existential threat, and that's valid, but we shouldn't attack terrorists want to kill us??  Should we have tea and crumpets with them instead?  GIbson, you're the one who said its a dangerous world out there!!

Sarah Palin handled herself with class.  I only wish that there were some other hockey moms sitting in the stand because Gibson deserves a puck to the face!

Come party with the GSBN Crew

All,

Some of the authors of the GSBN will be out and about in a blogging pub crawl tomorrow night (Saturday). 

Here is the general plan...if interested comment here or come meet us where we'll be at one of these locations!

Google map of the crawl here.

CLICK ON THE PIC BELOW AS I KNOW IT'S BLURRY AS IS:

Obama or Potato Salad - Lite Bright

The other day I got an email from the Obama people telling me how volunteers were needed to go out to Nevada on weekends, a major swing state, and campaign for Obama.  I came up with the brilliant idea that I would don my American flag suspenders and sparklers and hop on a bus out to Nevada to make change!  I saw myself going door to door, handing out pamphlets, eating egg salad with old undecided couple in Carson City and persuading them that Obama was the right choice for President.  But why should I go alone?  My new day dream involved taking a class of high school juniors and seniors out to Nevada to help campaign as wel.  "See kids, this is what democracy looks like."  They would come back to school with newly invigorated and write their college application essays about how the trip to Nevada changed their life.  I was even going to blog from the road, maybe have a web cam, Obama was going to personally shake my hand.  "Thank you Susan....

RING RING

"Oh, hi Mom? What's that?  Uncle Burt and Aunt Anita are visiting from upstate New York?  You wanna have a family BBQ the weekend of the 17th?  Well, see, I was going to go to Nevada that weekend and change the world. You don't think it will make a difference?  I know I haven't seen your family in nine months but...well....you are making your potatato salad?  Ok..well, sure, yeah, I'll be there."