The Garage Sale Blog Network

A Ghost Named Coincidence - Ship in a Bottle

I recently moved into a new apartment but am not quite convinced that I am living there alone.  Several occurrences since my move-in date have caused me to wonder if I am experiencing a haunting.  Now, from what I understand about ghosts, they're generally in areas – parks, houses, hotels, etc. – with a history of some sort of evil and associated death.  Since my apartment building is only 2 years old, I find it difficult to believe that much has happened there that would be inviting to a ghost.  But then again it is San Francisco, so who knows. 

Incident #1: Restless TV.  The first night that I moved in, I set up my TV with an antenna that I'd used forever (yes, I still use an antenna).  It's a new TV (less than 4 months old) and a good brand with apparently no weird issues, and I hadn't experienced a problem with it before this incident.  Well, as I was flipping through the 5 channels trying to decide which ridiculous show to watch, the TV decided that I was going to watch everything.  Remote down, backed away from the machine, turning it off and then back on, all the TV wanted to do was flip through the channels.  Needless to say, I was stuck watching movies.

Incident #2: Misplaced pillows.  Upon returning from visiting family for the holidays, I discovered my couch pillows on my bed, neatly placed side by side on my bed pillows.  This may not seem like that strange of an incidence, but I would NEVER move my couch pillows to my bed.

Incident #3: The Ghost Whisperer. On the same night that I returned home from visiting family, I turned on the TV and went about making dinner, not really paying attention to what was on.  As soon I realized that, again, the TV was flipping through the channels, I walked over to it in frustration and just stared at it for a moment trying to figure out what could possibly be going on. Well, as soon as it had my attention, it stopped.  The show that it stopped on: The Ghost Whisperer.

Incident #4: Where is my goddamn phone?!?!  Some time went by between incident #3 and the happenings of this last weekend.  In fact, it had been so quiet that I thought for certain my ghost had tired of me and moved on… until last night.  I was cooking dinner and carrying on various text message conversations, leaving my phone in the same location on the kitchen counter after each message.  Yet every time a new message came in, I turned around to check it and my phone wasn't there.  Literally, I had to search my apartment for my phone EVERY SINGLE TIME a new message came in.

Is all this a coincidence?  Am I just losing my mind?  Only my ghost knows.

This Christmas I'm going as the stuffed Turkey - Ship in a Bottle

This is a pre-Christmas story for those who feel like the holiday spirit is more of a trick than a treat.  I spent the last weekend packing up my old apartment, moving to the new apartment, unpacking at the new apartment, and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning the old apartment.  Needless to say, my body felt absolutely wrecked and very much in need of a hot bath. 

Last night I began filling the tub, I lit a few candles, put on some soothing music and located a package of bath salts for muscle aches that a friend had given to me for the flu years ago.  (I'd always been too afraid to sit in the tub at my old place, as it was generally quite disgusting, but the new tub is absolutely pristine and bath-worthy.) So, I opened the package of salts and poured about half of it into the filling tub before reading the directions.  Apparently the salts are supposed to be placed in a little fine-mesh baggy before being put into the water since, in addition to the salts, there were all kinds of herbs and berries and things that one wouldn't want in their hair or shower drain.  Oops.  I figured most of the damage was already done, so I took the bath anyway.

Well, in the shower this morning, I was soaping myself up and rubbing myself down as usual.  I cleaned my ears and belly button, my armpits and between my toes, and I didn't notice anything unusual… until I was performing my routine cleaning of another orifice.  I discovered things that I never thought I'd find inside me: rosemary, thyme and some little dried berries.  I thought, How fitting. I actually am this Christmas's stuffed turkey. 

With Cyanide in My Pocket, Mr. Rogers Ain’t Got Nothin’ on Me - Ship in a Bottle

I’ve discovered the key to happiness. Imagine being able to act however you want in any situation regardless of what your family, friends, coworkers or people on the street might think. Imagine not being afraid to tackle the biggest problems that confront you and not feeling too inadequate to go after the fame and fortune that haunt your unfulfilled dreams. Just consider for a moment how liberating it would be to not be afraid to love. Is this happiness? I suppose we all have slightly varied definitions, but I think that being OK with any situation would at least positively aggravate the dials on the happiness meters of all our lives.

Yes, I find much comfort in knowing that I have complete control over one thing that affects every piece of my life – living - and that’s why I carry a vial of cyanide in my pocket everywhere I go. Cyanide is a very simple compound composed of one carbon and one nitrogen atom covalently engaged by a triple bond (see Figure 1a). This small molecule makes itself useful in the extraction of gold and silver, but it serves perhaps an even greater purpose: it can kill a person in a very low concentration. In fact, San Quentin has employed cyanide’s lethal properties by aerosolizing the compound for use in its gas chamber. However, the use of cyanide in the execution of death row inmates was deemed cruel and unusual by the 9^th circuit in 1996. If it hadn’t been for that fateful 1973 case commuting all California death sentences prior to that date, Charles Manson himself would have breathed the fiery CN in his last gasp on Earth (see Figure 1b).

Figure 1

So what’s the appeal? How does cyanide equal happiness? Well, when you aren’t afraid of dying, it’s hard to feel that bad about anything else. When you can stop pain or anxiety at any moment, it doesn’t hurt as much. It’s ike jumping out of a plane when you know you can push a button at any time and be back home, safe, in bed. You’re more likely to make the jump and experience the thrill because the risk factor has been removed. Carrying a lethal dose of cyanide in my pocket is like having a Reset button (or one of those Staples Easy button but that actually does something); whenever I’m fearful of the repercussions of saying something that I want to say or doing something that I really want to do, I just reach into my pocket and finger that little vial, and all of the apprehension just rolls away. And when the lows are less low, the curve is shifted upward, making the highs much, much higher. This is perpetual happiness. (See Figure 2)

Figure 2: Perpetual Happiness

There is never a good time to do something new and challenging and scary. There will always be a reason to put it off – whatever IT may be. The “right time” will be when I am 5 minutes away from suicide and have nothing left to lose. And, in my opinion, that is the worst reason in the world to do something… but the system works. Try it.

Income in the Dating Paradox Results - Ship in a Bottle

Women's poll results:

Bottom line: Men, you’re better off not presuming anything about what women want.  The safest play is to not list your income bracket and let her figure out for herself if you’re overly concerned about money, a pretentious asshole, or actually a nice guy just trying to play the game by its ever-changing rules.

Men's Poll Results:

Bottom line: Guys don’t care nearly as much about this shit as girls do.  Yeah, yeah, I should only speak for myself.

 

Made on a Mac.

Income: Just another dating paradox - Ship in a Bottle

By now, our readers are aware that I have dabbled, nay, have run rampant through the expansive fields of online dating.  One pothole that I've stumbled across more than once is the income issue.  When I first started searching for "matches" or choosing whose "winks" or emails to respond to, I had a small set of what I considered to be non-starter signals.  A few of these include incorrect use of grammar, any use of the saying "work hard and play hard," and listed income bracket.

Well, it didn't take me long to figure out that I would never start dating if I automatically excluded all men who list their income, but this did start the wheels turning.  I began to wonder about the various significances of divulging one's earnings when trying to attract members of the opposite (or the same) sex.  Is this intended to pique interest?  Is it a weeding tactic?  Is it just another checked box? 

Before I expound on my experiences and theories within this paradox, I would like to know what our readers have experienced and what they think about the issue of advertising income in the online dating game.  Below are links to two completely anonymous surveys, one for men and one for women.  Please participate in these quick surveys, and I'll present the results, along with my sentiment on the topic, next week.

Men: Define the role of income in the dating game:  <http://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?key=p8PbW65kNqmNIxPS6Yb04fQ&email=true>

Women: Men listing their income - Hot or Not?

<http://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?key=p8PbW65kNqmO2pBwXRMhkPA&email=true>

Everybody Likes Girls - Ship in a Bottle

Recently, I was fortunate enough to have my first girl-on-girl experience at a GSBN outing.  Now, it wasn't as risqué as your imagination might already have you believing, but it was intimate enough to confirm a notion that I've had for a very long time: Everybody likes girls.  Girls are soft, gentle, generally kind and thoughtful and attentive; they feel nice to touch and to be around.  This isn't to say that all girls are lesbians or that gay men aren't really gay, but I certainly believe that there's a little 'bi' in each of us.

Take porn for example.  As a heterosexual female, I have a (debatably) healthy affinity for male masturbation, guy-on-girl/girl-on-guy, and "regular", though primarily male-gratifying, threesome and orgy videos (in addition to some other types that I'm far too conservative to mention in a public blog).  But I find that few forms of sexual expression are as stimulating to watch as a female enjoy herself or another woman.  Men: you are built for utility and we greatly appreciate that, but only a woman knows how a woman really likes to be touched, despite what your macho male egos and your macho male friends will tell you.  So, it really isn't surprising that females can get so much satisfaction out of watching another woman enjoy herself (or participate in that enjoyment) because we actually know how she's feeling.    While penises are fun to play with and look at and while I can imagine what is (or rather what isn't) going on in a guy's head when he's, um, enjoying himself or a lady, I am never going to experience a male orgasm or truly be able to appreciate the male sexual disposition. 

I can't imagine ever switching teams when it really comes down to debating what side of the tracks to play on, but making out with my best friend did help me to better understand a different aspect of sexual attraction than I had previously considered.  The penis will always be a highly valued instrument and men will always have their place in this world, but at the end of the day, when we're alone with ourselves and our imaginations and our computers… Everybody likes girls. 

Utilization of the Green Machine in Humans' Fight Against Entropy - Ship in a Bottle

My view on going green and global warming

With all of the green hype escalating dramatically over the last few years, I often ask myself where I fall in the spectrum between hugging trees and leaving my TV on all night.  I've never reached a conclusion about this because I haven't cared enough to spend the time thinking about it – It just doesn't matter to me because I'm going to do what I'm going to do at the time that think to do it.   The nature of things is that they tend toward disorder and human habits are no different.  We feel better (except for the mental strain we put on ourselves) to lie down, to let loose, to tell someone how we feel, to throw a Coke can in the closest trash receptacle.  But as a society, we've learned to think of entropy as a bad thing, and we've developed very creative ways of fighting it.  Moms create chores for kids to work against the natural disorder that befalls their bedrooms, chemical companies make billions of dollars per year through beauty serums and anti-frizz products that help women (and men) look better than they actually do, and scientists are working towards "cures" for natural chromosomal telomere wear, which is expected to prolong life.  The Green revolution really isn't so different; we have to put a lot of effort into figuring out how to minimize our carbon footprint, effort and time that many of us do not have. So why is it so hard to accept that, after more than a few years of evolution, the process might actually be OK?

There's a reason that nearly 75% of conceptions are spontaneously aborted and why expecting mothers tend not to carry severely physically challenged babies to full term under normal prenatal care.  Our bodies have evolved to protect against these deformities because they're debilitating, a huge drain on resources, and emotionally damaging.  Yet society (but mostly I blame the Christians) puts such value on all human life that we fight against evolution by developing medicinal therapies and tools that allow people to care for themselves differently than we've evolved to do naturally, and we extend suffering exponentially.  Yet, we think we're brilliant for these innovations.  If we let nature take its course – and work with it instead of against it – over population wouldn't be a problem, we'd be a healthier society, resources would be plentiful, and the term "carbon footprint" would never have been coined.

So, here's the irony about trying to clean up the earth:  Humans can't think on such a large scale, as there are far too many factors and interconnected moving parts that depend in some way on our habits and use of resources, both natural and synthetic.  That's a job best left to Mother Earth, which is why we fight so hard against our natural, entropic inclinations to kill her… But what if she's trying to kill us?  I don't mean that in a negative sense, but it may be that humans are saturating the system so much that new, stronger species cannot evolve.  The earth, like anything, has undergone cycles of breaking down and building up, coming back stronger and better.  It is likely that we are living in a downward slope in the breakdown cycle.  But instead of letting the planet go through its natural healing, regenerative process (including its many living species), all of our efforts to save ourselves and the climate may really just be serving as a stopcock in that process.  Evolution is the one tried and true process in this chaotic world, and it will bring us a brighter future… If we let it.

A Woman's Guide to Online Dating for Men: How to not blow it before you know it - Ship in a bottle

I get asked these sorts of questions frequently by male friends trying to make it in the online dating world: What can I put on my profile to catch a girl's eye?  How should I respond to an email from a girl in whom I am interested?  What's the best way to initiate communication with a girl in general?  What's the best way to initiate communication with a girl who is way out of my league?  So, coming from a girl with plenty of experience in this arena (though I certainly can't speak for all woman), here are a few pointers. 

1. Keep your profile simple.  You never want a girl to finish reading your profile and feel like she knows everything about you or has your personality pegged.  As you are likely aware, it's difficult to impute your personality through the black on white.  In this sense, less really is more.  Keep it simple, and remember that confidence mixed with a healthy amount of self-deprecation will usually mitigate the asshole factor.  (Asshole factor = The low standard that girls naturally hold men to until they prove to be decent human beings.)

2. Do not over-sell yourself.  Your best sales pitch is going to be your worst quality.   It shows that you are more interested in getting someone to like you rather than finding someone who you like, and no matter how confident you may actually be, you'll come across as insecure and that just isn't attractive to anyone. 

3. Do not play hard to get. If a girl makes the first move and you want to reciprocate interest, be direct in your response.  Send an interesting but concise email; do not merely wink or say "Hey, how's it going?"  This isn't to say that you should ask her on a date the first time you communicate, but you definitely need to lock it in.  Online men are like vultures, preying on every semi-attractive girl, so you need to make a name for yourself before your face gets overshadowed by the shear volume of emails and winks she receives on a daily basis.  

4. Start communication the way you would talk to your mom. No, don't ask her about her arthritis, but also remember not to be too colloquial.  This isn't to say that your communication should be formal or impersonal, but until you get a sense for her personality, don't go overboard with yours.  Further, while it's a good idea to comment on an aspect or two of her profile, avoid making too many comparisons between the two of you.  If she wants to date someone just like herself, she'll invest in more elaborate vibrators.  Also, no girl wants to hear "We have so much in common" after struggling with designing a profile that she isn't satisfied with.  A profile usually isn't a good representation of a person, and a girl isn't going to be very responsive to a guy who presumes he knows what she's all about after reading 2,000 or fewer words.

5. If she's out of your league, play a new game. You may see an attractive, intelligent and seemingly normal girl online and automatically assume that you don't stand a chance.  Is she even worth pursuing?  Here are some common mistakes that guys make when going after the elusive hottie.  1) They assume communication is moot so they throw a wink into the aether, never expecting to hear back from the girl.  And they won't.  A girl who receives tens to hundreds of effortless communications per day from ordinary guys learns that it's a waste of time to respond to any of them. Perhaps more importantly, if you decide to make a second attempt down the road, all she is going to remember upon seeing your pic in her mailbox is that she wasn't interested the first time.  2) They write super long, doting emails about how the girl is so great and how he knows that she's probably too good for him and all the reasons that he deserves a chance to make her happy.  Need I say more?  3) They do nothing.  Well, this is one way to maintain control over the outcome.  However, if you actually want to stand a chance at opening the lines of communication with the girl, try making her laugh.  No dirty jokes, no heavy sarcasm, just be your naturally charming self (or get someone to help you come across that way).  Be confident and bold but not cocky.  Try asking questions (but not too personal); nearly every girl will open up if you give her a chance to talk about herself.  Most importantly, just take the chance, but be smart about it.

Dating in the Margin of Error - Ship in a Bottle (Amy)

Dating today is all about collecting data points and ignoring them completely.  Everything that we learn, all of those notches in our headboards, each tear-stained pillow is for absolutely nothing (other than perhaps the occasional embarrassing story that everyone can appreciate around a drunken living room) because instead of down-selecting for qualities that we learn work for us, we simply continue to compare rotten apples to rotten tomatoes.  In the 21st century, dating tends to lend from buffet-style options: When the ham is golden and glistening next to the dried, grey brick of meatloaf, even a vegetarian is going to covet the pig.  So between Match.com, Facebook and all of our friends of friends of friends, we subconsciously allow ourselves to make superficial comparisons based on absurdly artificial ranking systems amongst singles who would never swim into our dating ponds if we actually were still paying attention to our handcrafted regulations.  We let ourselves get away with this by saying that we're being open, that we aren't being judgmental, that we're trying new things "because you never know."  Well, here's one thing I do know: You feed a lactose intolerant person a bowl of ice cream, he's going to get sick.  So why have such high hopes for Mr. Blue Eyes when you know you could never date a conservative?

Part of the problem is that in the digital age, hours feel like days.  No email or text message in 24 hours is the first sign that the passion is dying.  Since most people get to know each other through emailing or instant messaging or chatting, the second or third in-person date is really like the 9th or 10th, which explains why it's no big deal for people to sleep together after knowing each other no longer than one week, not having any idea if the other person is looking for a relationship or just a playmate.  Before you know it, you're in love with the electronic person you've been constructing in your mind regardless of the lacking overlap with the real life person.  They are merely a physical form to put with the digital person you've been dating in solitude. 

So why is it so surprising when these relationships turn out to be non-starters?  We ignore our instincts to date people who we're chemically, morally or otherwise naturally drawn to, so how can it hurt so much to lose inadequate relationships that really only go right and then suddenly wrong in our heads?  We make one-sided personal investments without any regard for whether there's hope of reciprocity and yet allow, in the fullness of time, there to be instilled bitterness and regret in our otherwise vacuous dating worlds.

So what's left to be said for searching for love when it seems to be lost in the perpetuity of ignorance?  Like anything else, it won't do you any good hiding under the sofa cushion.  You can't play with it by yourself, at least not for very long.  When it's gone, you can seldom recall a happy moment that you spent with it without a pang of anguish spliced with regret.  Perhaps the dreamers are happier in their dreams and the drifters are happier off the course of love. I know I'd rather be in either one of those positions at almost any given time. It seldom seems worth it; I could have stayed in bed for the last month and at least been well rested. But the feeling of something missing, it's not so much an empty place inside as it is a black hole, spaghetifying all the hopes and cares and plans for a future that doesn't exist.  It's a vacuum and it hurts; that's how you know it's working and that's what keeps us grasping for more, often beyond the guidance of our own date points and into the margin of error.

Amy : Garage Sale Symbol - Ship in a Bottle

Originally from Rio de Janeiro, Amy made her way to San Francisco in 1985 where she currently lives in a sail boat in the bay and works for a start-up biopharmaceutical company.  She is an aspiring writing and mountaineer, a baker of cupcakes and lover of all things squared, cubed and/or shades of gray.